The REST is up to you

A stranger came up to me at the supermarket today and asked if i knew how to cook. I was a little surprised as i was busy looking at the rows of pre-packed meats and didn't even noticed he was next to me. I supposed he thought my silent conversations with pieces of inanimate bovines was because i didn't know how to cook and not what to cook. :P

He proceeded to tell me he's a chef and gave a few easy suggestions. Either i looked hesitant or tired out because he then told me "It's a nice day... go home... fix yourself a good meal... read a book... don't bother with the going out. My advice is Take care of your stomach and the rest will take care of itself". :D

I thanked him and as he walked away, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, "Men aren't reliable... so take care of yourself". Hahahahahahaha.... I never found out his name nor which restaurant he worked/owned. But that brief encounter certainly made my day.

I took his advice and stayed in. Made myself a good dinner, tidied up my room, watched a bit of TV and just... relaxed. After a challenging week of having to deal with other people's demands, it is a welcome change to have some peace. I declined invites to go out... not because i don't enjoy the company of my friends... what more when we hardly have time to catch up. But for this weekend, i chose to REST...and the best part, i don't feel guilty about my decision. :)

Fairytale Ending

Not too long ago, i went to the bookstore to buy a birthday present for my friend's child. As i browsed through the children's section, in that moment, i felt as if i was transported back to my own childhood, to a different realm - a time where everything seemed possible.

Adventures are just a wishing chair away... lands filled with wonderful things appear on tree tops... and whatever 'trouble' that appears, there is always someone there to save you... be it a fairy godmother, a friendly giant, a charming prince *gulp*.

Fast forward the years and reality bites. Every day is another battle. Villians aren't so easily distinguished from the friendly neighbour. Wishes don't get granted with a swish of a wand or sprinkle of pixie dust. And the chivalry? Think the knight must've gotten lost or his horse died. :P

Perhaps the one comforting thought that remain are the woodland creatures - the most unexpected of beings... be it the squirrel who throws an acorn at your enemy or the strangely dressed one who makes you smile with his/her comments. Granted they may not look like they can play the lead role but without them, where would you be?

So a fairy tale? Maybe not... but a happily ever after (of moments) with the people that fill my life.. you betcha!! ;)

Good company

Goodness.. is it February already? Hard to believe that not too long ago, i was filled with fear and apprehension about moving on to my new job. By end of this week, it'll be TWO months since i started.. and yes, i'm STILL filled with fear and apprehension. :P

Not that i'm working with whip wielding slave drivers, nor asked to clean windows on a skyscraper. Have YOU ever SEEN those guys cleaning the outside of a skyscraper? Now THAT's something i'll never be able to do ... but i digress.

I suppose it's the adjustment to a new place, a new culture... dusting off some long forgotten skills. It's an exciting 'adventure' for me.. being here, given the opportunity to do more things, explore new ideas. A huge part of me feels liberated, yet another part is stuck in the 'old' mindset of remaining where it's 'safe'. There are days when i want to jump higher, run faster and days where i hit mental roadblocks.

Yet through those times, it had never crossed my mind to give up and look somewhere else for familiar ground. :) It has just been "Get through this.. one hurdle at a time". It does help that i have good colleagues. Especially the one i fondly call 'Princess'... (yes yes, you can pay me later for PR value.. hahaha).

Yup... I think i might be able to make it here. It's a good company to begin with... but more, it's my new found friends that make the company better. ;D

Finding new roots

Another 2 days and it'll be a new year. It hasn't been an easy 2009 for me. Heartaches... disappointments... struggles. One would think that's just part of life but what i went through, i think it was more than usual quota. Has the year been really that bad? Well.. yes and no.

I'm still ever so grateful for FQ & family moving back here. It's wonderful that she finally gets the opportunity to grow her cake business (which i was supposed to help but have not been doing much lately.. oops) and that her husband has gotten a good job here. Yes yes... am 'tumpang-ing glamour' but really... am VERY VERY happy that they're back HERE!!

And yes, i'm also grateful for Tsing roping me in to do all sorts of 'personal' projects... just because. I may complain (a LOT.. hehehe) but it hasn't stopped me from agreeing to do it. The 'sucker' in me probably thrives on the challenge and the little victories when it's done. :)

Had it not been for these people, i would probably be wallowing in the mundane. Most times, i have been prophet of my own doom. I allow myself to think i'm not good enough... that what i have is as good as it gets.

Perhaps the biggest (and hardest) decision i made this year was to change jobs. It wasn't an easy thing to do. After 6 years of being in the same agency, one becomes complacent. Things become almost predictable and we start to live in our 'comfort zone'. Taking on this new job was a huge step for me... and not without a lot of mixed emotions. Yet, it was something which was 'necessary' to grow. :)

So as we come to a close for 2009 and look forward to the next year, here's wishing that 2010 will be a greater year and bigger things will spring forth!

Giving back

Life's lessons are never easy. One would think that as we grow older, we should be wiser. And through experience, we learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again. Yet the one thing i keep doing, is believing that if i did enough, i would be duly rewarded. That by putting others before me, they would also pay it forward and this world would be a less selfish place.

I'm not being bitter here. But in the past months, it has become so evident that it's me giving.. and giving even more... and the more i try, more is demanded. Appreciation is little and accusations aplenty. By trying to be objective... to be understanding... i lost myself again. A dear friend pointed out that most times, i already have the answers, yet i still ask questions to seek assurance. Perhaps it's time to remember who matters most.

Love after Love by Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.