Today, for the first time in years... i lost my composure. I had to run into the loo, sit down and fight the tears that were straining to release itself.
All the anger, all the frustration... it just welled up inside me and right then, i wished i could've just cried. Instead, i took a deep breath...and another, and then walked out with a smile to my meeting.
I've been told i'm a perfectionist... and i know i am.. to the point of being an obsessive-compulsive personality. I want things to be well planned, structured...I build my own little cocoon where things move in perfect motion in this world of mine.
(Gawd.. someone call the men in white coats QUICK!) And when something interrupts the momentum, i react by quickly putting things back so as to continue its flow.
But lately, i find things just slipping through my fingers, faster than an elephant in quicksand... and no matter how hard i try, i can't bring order to chaos... i can't be there to help... i can't kiss and take away the pain... :(
Maybe i'm just being too hard on myself. I've put too high expectations on myself and others. And when things don't go as planned, i get upset. Gaaahhh... am control freak!!! HEEEEELLPPP!!! I should check myself in to the asylum soon if i don't get a grip of myself.
Ok.. calm down... breathe.... Nobody's perfect... Nobody's perfect... I'm a nobody.... ;P
7 comments:
I am up after nursing the baby and needed to replenish with a snack. Saw your post and I have to tell you that I could have written it myself. It is too often that we hold ourselves to such a high standard that when we come across a wall, we hit it hard with self-punishment.
I will tell you to relax and take it easy, as I will try to tell myself the same thing.
Hugs!
you are somebody - the person who's buying me lunch tmr ;D
Simon,
Stop fishing for free meals and be a little sympathetic, will ya?
:P
perspective mate...thats what you need. the way i do this, is i have a picture of 3 cambodian children on my fridge, i took it when i was there last year, these kids live in wooden and straw houses, and dont have much really, yet, i never ever ever saw them without the biggest smiles on their faces...and thats what really counts in life meh?
G!! Didn't realize how much i've missed u. ;)
I'd like to stick 'some' people's pix on my wall and throw darts at them. U think that'll work just the same? :P
*muax*
nah...stay on the positive side of things, negative breeds negative
Dahleeng Aragon, you need a holiday-lah. Take a short one and meditate to sounds of waterfall or baby laughter or goreng pisang... Just. Chillz.
*hands over tub of ice-cream*
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